Q: I am desparate for help with my 14 yr old son

My 14 yr old son is out of control and I dont know what else to do ! He is failing 8th grade , and could basically care less. He is ADHD , and his newest med. is vyvanse , which is like pulling teeth to get him to take it on a regular basis . He also is overweight for his height and age . I am worried about his emotional health as well as physical wellness. our family has gone through a tremendous amount of personal problems over the past 3-4 yrs , with infidelity , most recently gaining full custody of my 2 yr old granddaughter (my 23 yr old daughters child) and also the unexpected pregnancy of my 18 yr old daughter . So I think Camdin has unfairly been subjected to alot of problems that 14 yr olds shouldnt have to . My husband reacts to his behavior (he is very defiant )_ by spanking him , which doesnt do anything but make the situation worse . My son is very immature in alot of ways , and we all (in the household) more or less are screaming and yelling at him all the time . I feel so guilty , i love him very much , but I feel like i've been a huge failure as a mom to him , and I just dont know what to do .

Posted by BELLASMEME

A: Answer from AnnaKalliagas

I'd like to respond to your question, with a question. Does your son have a close relationship with anyone, especially an adult, in the immediate or extended family? If not now, did he ever? The challenges of adolescence are difficult ones, but coupled with his ADHD, and the many family issues you mentioned, make this time period even more challenging for him and other family members. Possibly bonding and having a close knit relationship even during stressful family times may provide him with an outlet, with another alternative to his current behavior. Due to the family stressors you mentioned, counseling may be helpful for the parents to decrease stress and improve coping, so you can be available to your son in a calmer way. This is hard to do when you yourself are going through so much. Then maybe you can convince your son to try therapy for his ADHD and other issues. He may not fight you then. Please let me know if I've been helpful. Thanks and good luck.