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PRO ANSWER
I have good news and bad news... this is normal! That's the good news! It's also the bad news since you are now entering what is known as the "terrible two's!" It get's its name for a reason, unfortunately! Your child is at an age where he is learning cause and effect.. he is testing the world and its limits as well as his own. He is more aware of himself and his own autonomy, meaning he wants to do more for himself than he is readily capable of. This brings about frustration which is normal and understandable. He is also at an age where communication is still in major development. He can probably say a few words, but not enough to really express what is on his mind. Helping him with his frustration by verbalizing for him what he must be feeling in a way that he can understand it at his age may help. If he sees that you are with him and understand on some level then that will help him to calm down. Encourage him to calm down...speak in a calm voice. If you respond to his frustration with your own frustration then you are only making the behavior worse by reinforcing it. Speak calmly and keep it together even if you feel frustrated yourself. Now as fot the throwing... my son did this too and it drove me wild! And he is now 9 years old and he did outgrow it! The best way to deal with the throwing i to firmly but calmly say no. Don't continuously pick the item up and hand it back to him because then it is a game and he has you engaged and he is in control. Toddlers like that. You also don't want to yell and over react because then they are still controlling you and they are drawn to the cause and effect element of it. You firmly say no. If it happens again you take that item away and say no throwing. Now no more. They will learn that throwing causes a negative outcome that they don't like so they will eventually get it and stop the behavior. But be patient. I know its difficult, but it is age appropriate!
Posted December 10, 2009 3:11 PM -
PRO ANSWER
I don't want to just repeat what Stacy said above - so I'll just piggy back off of what she said and add that the same patience and control is needed when they are throwing things or hitting you. Stay calm and firmly say no. Also add "do nice" or another simplistic phrase and model the expected behavior (take their hand and have him/her gently touch your cheek). If the behavior continues, you can turn your back to them each time (just for a moment) - they will not like that you are no longer giving them attention (negative reinforcer) and it will have a cause and effect outcome...eventually. when you turn back around say something like "no hitting...do nice to mommy" and then model how. At this point, the hitting isn't done intentionally wanting to inflict pain - it is an expression of frustration or playfulness as they explore what they are capable of. I know it's difficult...but it is an important area of development and learning for them...and us too!
Posted December 11, 2009 1:56 PM
